Monday, December 31, 2007


You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. Well, this kind of cruel theft is happening with other body parts as well!

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

Then the thieves struck again. My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original. I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arms swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those "plastic" surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has some thing "lifted", look again - was it lifted from you?

This is happening to women everywhere every night.

P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them safely hidden in my waist band.


Kathleen said...

I think you've been deprived- hasn't the belly fairy visited at all?

Very funny, esp the P.S. , had me giggling.

Unfortunately I can relate to many of these sentiments!

Dorene said...

Oh Kathleen... Can't we all, can't we all?

All I know is that any of my body parts just aren't were they were 20 years ago. However, I have given up looking for them. They weren't too great to begin with! :D

Diane said...

OMG!! Hysterical!

Toni said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! Thanks for the laugh--made my day!