WARNING FOR WOMEN:

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. Well, this kind of cruel theft is happening with other body parts as well!

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

Then the thieves struck again. My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original. I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arms swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those "plastic" surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has some thing "lifted", look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX.
This is happening to women everywhere every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them safely hidden in my waist band.

Irish Ghost Story

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door. only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!! The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breathe.

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other..."Look Paddy...there's that freaking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!"

Inish Oirr Cniotáilte Stocaí

Inish Oirr Cniotáilte Stocaí (Inis Oirr Knitted Socks) are the first in a series, inspired by our family trip to Ireland. Inish Oirr is the eastern most of the Aran Islands, where we spent a delightful day this past summer. These were lovingly created and designed for my daughter, Bevin.

Obligatory Stats:

• Pattern: Inish Oirr Cniotáilte Stocaí
• Designer: Me
• Yarn: YarnAddict 100% Easy Care Merino Sock Yarn
• Colorway: November Sockamania PLUS
• Yardage: 400 yd
• Needles: Addi Turbo US 1.5
• This pattern will be available after the New Year

Lifesaver Socks

These were made for my nephew, Patrick. They are simplicity plus. They were crafted using 2 socks/2 circs, toe-up with the Turkish Cast-On, and a simple K3,P3 rib. I named them Lifesavers, because they look like a roll of Lifesaver candies.

Obligatory Stats:

• Pattern: Lifesaver Socks
• Yarn: Regia 4-ply
• Yardage: 450 yd
• Needles: Addi Turbo US 1.5